Post 3!

I really enjoyed reading this chapter. I liked the S-TLC concept. I definitely should make some people in my life read this chapter. I like the concept of stopping yourself, then thinking about what is going on. Then listening to what the other person is saying, getting it all in, and then communicating on what you heard and how you feel about what you just heard. Some people very close to me definitely need to know this method. When I try to communicate with some of these people, they are fine until they hear something they don’t like. When they hear whatever it is that they don’t like, they absolutely lose it! They become super combative and then I go crazy on them because they are acting stupid. Well, they don’t think they are acting dumb but they completely are. And what they say doesn’t even make sense! So it results in me getting mad because they are acting dumb, or me just laughing at them for acting they way they are. 

Post 2!

Oh this question really got me thinking about what I think about when people talk. Well, sometimes when people talk to me I am aware and alert of what they are saying. I am this way because I am truly interested in what they are saying. And sometimes what they are saying is super juicy stuff. So, of course I am going to be alert and really paying close attention to what they are telling me. Then, there are times where I am completely in a different world, thinking about a bunch of different things and just nodding my head in agreement. When someone talks to me about the same topic every time I speak with them, I am thinking about everything else that I have to do that day, work and other stuff. I completely check out. And sometimes, they realize that I am not listening, but most of the time they don’t. 

post 1!

Stopping a conflict for me can be easy and difficult. It truly just depends on the type of conflict that I have with someone, or that someone has with me. If it is something that has been bugging me for a while and I just keep putting it off, then when I am having a bad day and I am around that person I totally let them know what is bugging me. When that happens, the person that is bugging me usually just goes ok, I wish you had told me instead of trying to keep it from not bugging you. But I will work on it. And you need to work on letting me know when something is bugging you. When I have a conflict with someone it USUALLY works like that. But then there are times where the other person comes back at me all crazy as well. Then it is just craziness. I actually really like taking a time out in a situation like this. I also like taking a tame out when I get really upset and frustrated, I take like five minutes or so to gather my thoughts and myself. 

Post 2

These skills; fraction, framing, reframing, and common ground, are great skills to use when in a store and there is a dispute between a customer and an employee and the manager has to come in and figure out what’s going on. So, they would be great to use when in a business situation. But, then again that is still kind of interpersonal because it is at the place you work at. But, I am sure that businesses do call in mediators between the big wigs within the business to settle disputes that they have.  I think one of the main skills that mediators do use within businesses is common ground. With common ground businesses can put out on the table their values, behaviors, expectations, and goals that the business has and wants of their company. 

Post 3

I really liked this chapter. I liked reading about the different techniques, which a mediator uses. I feel like I could really use these and that they would make a big difference when dealing with disputes. My favorite one is fractionation. I like the idea of taking a big issue and breaking it down into smaller more manageable ones. That is definitely more my style. So I feel like now that I know of it, I am going to use it when something major comes up. Not going to lie, after reading about all these techniques, mediating sounds like a pretty cool little job. But, I feel that if the two arguing people are fighting over something small and silly, I would laugh in their faces about it. I think its safe to say that laughing in their faces is a no-no. But then again, maybe if I were to laugh in their face they would understand and see how silly their argument is. 

Post 1

Communication majors should make good mediators because we take classes that help us learn how to listen and communicate effectively. That's why people call on mediators. They want someone to listen to them and find out what they want and need. Communication majors know how to listen to people and re-state what the person is saying. Most people like to interrupt when others talk and what not but comm majors learn how to sit back and truly listen to what is being said. I think that lawyers might find it difficult to effectively play the role of mediator because they will begin to side with one person more than the other and possibly grant things to one over the other because they like them more. I definitely don't think psychotherapists would be great mediators because they would sit there and analyze every little thing and movement that of the two people fighting.

Post 3!

My mother is a secretary at an elementary school, and sometimes I sub for her when she has meetings or appointments She had to have surgery and was out for three weeks so I filled in for her while she was gone. One day a teacher and a little girl came into the office with a clear hand mark across her face, five minutes after school had started. This hand mark on her face was not red. It was blue, green and swollen. CPS was called and came to the school along with the police and the child’s mother because she told the teacher and I that her mother hit her. When we were all in the office (CPS, police, me, child, teacher, mother and principle) the child told us again that her mother hit her and the mother defended herself saying and I quote “well American mothers don’t discipline their children right. I hit her because she didn’t do what I asked her to do.” Oh man I can’t describe the amount of rage I had in me. I have never firsthand experienced anything like this before. And before anyone could say anything I blurted out, “ What the hell is wrong with you!!!?” Well needless to say I was asked to leave the room and go back to work. I will never forget the look on that mother’s face. To this day she disgusts me and when I visit my mom at her school and I see her I just stare at her. I think she is complete garbage. I have never met her before that day but her actions will always speak louder than words to me. I just don’t get how she could look at herself everyday knowing she hit her child. Just disgusts me. 

Post 2!!!

I believe that there is a huge difference from being strict on your child, and being an abusive parent. Parents who set rules and expect there children do abide by them are being strict. Parents who hit their children, and I mean hit their child where there are bruises on their skin, or parents who grab their child by the arm and you can still see their hand print on the child’s skin a couple days later are abusive parents. Parents who have a schedule for their children are strict parents. Parents who tell their kids they are worthless and are nothing are mentally abusing their children. But some people believe that there is no difference from strict and abusive, I believe that those are the people we need to be looking out for, because they see nothing wrong with what they are doing. 

Dealing with conflicts

When I deal with conflicts, it definitely just depends on what the conflict is about and I react to it. I definitely am never in the other-centered orientation category when it comes to a conflict that I care about. Unless I really don’t care about the conflict and don’t want to talk about it then I am. I don’t take the self-centered orientation approach either. I would never force my decisions on others. I can’t stand when people try to control me so I would never put that upon someone else. I completely define myself with the relationship-centered orientation. I do my absolute best to compromise with the person I have a conflict with. I like to hear why they are upset and I let them have the floor the whole time until they are done speaking or ask me what I think about what they just said to me. But, when I firmly believe something I am extremely assertive. I don’t let what the other person says influence me and I don’t allow them to walk all over me. So, in that sense I don’t always favor relationship centered orientation but it just completely depends what the conflict is about. 

Post 3!

Conflict is something that everyone relates to. Regardless of your age, race, or orientation. That’s one thing everyone has in common that we all go through conflicts and discrepancies. I think that if more people worked on their nonverbal conflict skills then they could easily have a civil talk about what they are upset about. I think if more people just “talked” with the person they have a conflict about, their situation wouldn’t get to a nasty point. And I put talked in quotes because people need to honestly start simply speaking to one another instead of coming into a room hell blazing screaming at somebody. That’s when I start laughing. When people are so mad that they are screaming at you and you don’t even know why yet. Cracks me up every time.  Whenever something is bugging me I just simply talk to the person. I’m not running in the room ready to hurt someone with my words. I guess with some people though I simply just avoid the conflict because I know they will make it into something way bigger then it ever was or will be so I totally pull the confrontation avoidance card. I just block what they are doing that bugs completely out of my head, which probably isn’t the best thing but oh well. 

Post 2!

There are definitely times where I don’t care to take the time to work out a conflict with people. Not because I don’t want to, because I don’t know how to bring about what I want to say without hurting someone’s feelings so I feel it’s easier for me to not say a word and just ignore it. And then there are times where I honestly just don’t care what the person has to say. And that’s when I should have this book handy. In some conflicts I have been in, I definitely never thought about stages or processes or anything of the sort. But then there are times, mostly with loved ones, where I sit down and truly list and think about what is bugging me and why it is bugging me. Then I think about how I am going to tell the person. And ways we can work on it together. I like to keep as calm as possible and tell the person what’s bugging me then sit back and listen to what they have to say. Usually that works very well. One thing I cant stand though is when people interject each other then they are talking and that’s when the raising of voices start and all that nonsense. At that point I completely lose it and walk out. I will never sit there with somebody who is acting a fool when I’m simply trying to have a conversation with them. 

Oh Conflict!

Oh I totally agree that humans have an instinct for conflict. I can remember when I was little and if someone took something that I was playing with away from me or if my mom took something away from me I made a huge stink about it and told them and her exactly how I felt. There were times where I would just stand there and scream waiting to see if that would make them give me back my toys (didn’t work with my mom, but totally worked with the other kids. They were probably thinking what’s wrong with her! But I didn’t care because my planned worked.) But now I look back on that and just laugh. I can’t stand getting into conflicts or discrepancies with people now. Just because I don’t want to listen to them blabber on, and would rather just not deal with it. But, if I have something to say and firmly disagree with the person, then I will let them know how I feel. But when people get mad at me for the most part I just laugh at them because I think it is so funny how mad someone gets over the littlest thing. If they were to just be like “hey I don’t like when you do this at this time, can you do it at another time.” I wouldn’t laugh at them. I’d change the time I do it at. No big deal.

I definitely think that an instinct for conflict is an inborn trait. We all go through conflicts from when we are born to when were older. We as humans aren’t told when were little by our parents about conflict and how to handle it. It just appears one day and boom you have to deal with it. Some people scream and fight, while others simply talk about what they are having a problem with.