Post 3

Over this semester, I felt I really learned how to handle conflict in a better way than I used to handle it. When someone had a problem with me, I would just be like “alright tell me what is bugging you” and half the time I just didn’t care. A lot of people I felt were just too sensitive and didn’t quit know how to handle me or how I act. When I had a problem with someone else, I would just tell them straight up and a lot of people didn’t like how I approached it but I always figured why beat around the bush. But, after going through this book, I have learned that with some people I cant do what I usually do when it comes to conflict, and that I have to adjust the way I handle conflict with certain people. I just feel that I handle conflict in a completely different way then before. 

Post 2

I liked many aspects of this class. I took a class with professor Perez before online, and it was a lot of fun. I liked how everything is laid out for you in the class, and how quick professor Perez was to respond when I had questions, and that’s what made me decide to take another one, and I am glad I did. I love the weekly posts that tell us exactly what we are supposed to do, and when they are due. I really liked our class book as well. I thought it taught me a lot of things that I had absolutely no idea about before this class. It also made me less stressful about handling conflict. The only thing I didn’t like about the class was that I felt the directions for the final workshop were very vague. I didn’t know what was exactly wanted on it and that stressed me out just a tad. But, I would definitely recommend this class to another student!

Post 1

I think people have such a negative view of conflict because most of the time it seems like conflict situations never end well between people. I know everyone has that friend that always has a problem with someone else and they vent to you and in your head you think oh man again, you are full of conflict and I never want that. I think that if more people read the book that we did, that they wouldn’t fear it as much, or not at all. I think this because after reading the book, they would learn how to handle different conflict situations. I used to hate conflict, but after reading this book I feel like I could handle a conflict situation with ease and grace. 

Post 3

False attribution was definitely my favorite topic for this week. I feel that everyone goes through them, everyone sees it happen between your group of friends, and a lot of people like to make false attributions about others. Its kind of funny because when you hear a friend of yours making up a complete lie about another friend, you just sit back and watch it all unfold because if you get in the middle its just going to cause more drama for you. Its like a movie, you see the beginning and wait for the climax at the end! Most of my experience with false attributions was in high school. Every week there was some sort of new drama, with the he said she said and to be honest with you it amused the heck out of me! I loved it because I was never involved with it! 

Post 2

False attributions suck no matter what. I feel like you can never be civil with someone who makes a false attribution about you. I try to stay calm and not get mad but oh it’s hard to do sometimes. But, the feelings you have are even worse when you make a false attribution about somebody else. You get that panic and your heart starts beating faster when you see that person. In high school I heard something about a friend of mine and I just blurted it out to her one day and she flipped because she thought I said it, then I flipped back on her saying I heard that from so and so. She was super mad at first because she thought it was me but then the person who said it was like no I said it. So, it ended with her not being upset with me. We laughed about it. 

Post 1

When I typed forgiveness into my search engine many different things came up. Pictures of forgiveness were at the top, followed by the websites. Forgiveness quotes, forgiveness psychology, what the bible says about forgiveness, forgiveness project and a campaign for forgiveness research were all on the first page of the search. When I typed in reconciliation, four websites came up with the definition of it, and the official website for the reconciliation movie popped up. When I typed in revenge, all of the websites that popped up except two were for ABCs tv show. The other two were about Facebook revenge, and something about Kristen Bell and revenge. The term that produced more results was forgiveness. I think this because it’s a major thing that many people have trouble with. Some of the sites I feel were completely random, and that they wouldn’t help at all. 

Post 3!

 One of the concepts that I really liked for this week was of “face” from chapter 9. The book explains face as being how people see themselves and their images. And honestly, I think a lot of people have trouble, and struggle with this. I think some people are extremely afraid to be whom they really are because they are scared of how others will react to it. Some people have great face. They know who they are and aren’t afraid to show it. And I love meeting people like that. I met one girl a few years ago from a class that we were both in and she was loud, and uncensored and very sure of herself and that was just her. It was refreshing meeting someone like that, instead of a want to be clone of a celebrity or something.

 

Post 2!

One event that has happened in my life that I cant forgive is when my old best friend, for many years, said he couldn’t be friends with me anymore because his new girlfriend didn’t like that I was his best friend. I understand that his new girlfriend might be jealous or scared that we dated or were more than friends, but I feel that she should have talked to me about it before just telling him he couldn’t be my friend. He also should have talked with her about our friendship and that it was strictly friends and that’s it. I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that he would just throw our friendship away for a girl. But whatever floats his boat. A couple months after the decision he made (to not be my friend anymore) he called, emailed, and begged me to be friends again. And I just can’t forgive him. He just threw me to the curb so why would I even consider forgiving him. 

Post 1

I think I present myself in a very positive way through my Facebook. I don’t like posting negative things because then others would think I am a negative Nancy. When people look at my profile and read my posts, I hope they get the impression that I am happy, fun and very outgoing. There have been times where I look at other people’s profiles and just think to myself “why would you post that? Why would you swear on a public site?” I just don’t get how some people post the things that they do and they just think its funny. There have been many times where people post things on my wall and when I see them and don’t like it I immediately delete them, then text them asking why they posted that. This relates to conflict and communication because when someone posts something on your profile wall that you don’t like, you have to figure out the best way to tell that person you don’t like it. 

Post 3!

I think anger is something that a lot of people have a hard time dealing with. In the past, there was many times where I literally just wanted to get up and hit the person that was acting dumb and then just walk away. When I was younger, I couldn’t hold my tongue at all. If someone said something to me that didn’t sit right with me, I would go off on him or her. But, I look back on how I was and just laugh at myself. A lot of the times now, I just sit back and let the person say what they got to say, and then I calmly respond. Or, I just try and avoid it all together because I hate conflict and I hate being angry. But there are still times when I let the person hear how I really feel in an un-calmly manor i.e.: blow up. 

Post 2!

I express anger in many ways. There are definitely times where I just blow up. That is when I have kept so many feelings inside and I can’t keep them in anymore. It could be a very simple thing that someone says to me that sets me off, and makes me blow up. There are also many times where I am very calm when someone tells me something that should upset me. I remember a couple years ago when my boyfriend at the time told me he cheated on me and I was just like “ok, see ya later!” I wasn’t mad or anything. I just kind of laughed and walked away. I guess that shows that he didn’t mean a whole bunch to me J.  But, there are also times where I am very mad on the inside. I am talking fuming mad and I don’t say a word or let the person see me mad. When I express my anger in a blow up fashion, it usually doesn’t go over well because it just makes the other person blow up too. When I express my anger calmly its like the other person hates it and gets even madder. When I don’t express my anger at all and hold it in, I get even madder when I am alone because I should have said something. So, I feel like it’s a lose-lose situation.

Post 1!

With my attitude towards school, I definitely feel that it falls under one of the three solutions, and it is the first solution. The book states that the first solution is that we can make a distinction between work and play. And that we view work as what we do for the sake of something else. With that being said, I view school as something that I HAVE to do for myself, in order to get a better job. I really have to push myself to do school work and go to class. With my work commitment now, I feel that it falls under the first solution as well. I love nannying, but I don’t like my boss, but I do it because it could get me a job at her cooperation. I also do it because it allows me to live the way I want to live (money wise). 

Share the power!

One of my favorite topics from this chapter was that of sharing power. In this section it describes the ones who have the power must value the input of others that they surround themselves with. I think sometimes its really hard for those people that have all the power in a relationship to take in and consider other peoples opinions. I think it’s also extremely hard for those in power to give some of their power to others around them as well. I feel that if someone with all the power gives some of their power to another, that they will over see everything that other person is doing. Just because they still feel that they need to have power and believe that by watching  them closely they still have all the power. 

Unbalanced Power

Being in an unbalanced power relationship could be very frustrating. It can also be very exhausting. But, the feelings depend on what side of the power you are on. If you have more power, you feel that you can dominate everything in that friendship. You feel as if you can decided what your going to do, when your going to do it and how your going to do it and not take your friends suggestions on any part of it. And if they try to suggest something you (being you have more power) shut them down quick, and can possibly say something negative to them. When you have less power in a friendship, you could possibly feel like your nothing compared to your friend who has the power. And that if you try to stick up to your friend that they might criticize you, or not want to be your friend anymore. I think unbalanced power relationships are “crappy” (best word to describe it). I feel that they can either become violent, or mentally and verbally abusive. 

Trust

My old friend and I met when we were in 8^th grade. He and I were best friends for eight years. He knew everything about me, and I knew everything about him. A lot of girls that he dated didn’t understand that he and I were strictly friends and that’s it. And a lot of guys I had dated didn’t understand that he was my best friend and that’s it. Well, when he was in his second year of college he met a girl, and that girl immediately despised me. She didn’t like that he would Skype me every Monday night just to talk and catch up. Then, one day I woke up and checked my email like usual and there was an email from him. This email stated that he could no longer be my friend because of his girlfriend. And I was livid. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. So, when I finally got a hold of him I let him know exactly what I felt. I didn’t talk to him after that and about a week from that email he wouldn’t stop calling and texting me saying he was sorry. That email completely lost all my trust in him. If he could pick a girl over a friendship of eight years, what else would he do? A couple months later at an event I saw them both. He came up behind me and picked me up, and started twirling me around. When I realized it was him, I was just in a shocked kind of state. I had no idea what to say to him and I just looked at him and walked away. I wanted nothing to do with him and I still don’t. It hurts that he would throw away a friendship like he did but I lost every amount of trust I had for him. If I saw him now, I would be cordial and nice, but I would never be open and a friend to him like we were before. 

Post 3!

I really enjoyed reading this chapter. I liked the S-TLC concept. I definitely should make some people in my life read this chapter. I like the concept of stopping yourself, then thinking about what is going on. Then listening to what the other person is saying, getting it all in, and then communicating on what you heard and how you feel about what you just heard. Some people very close to me definitely need to know this method. When I try to communicate with some of these people, they are fine until they hear something they don’t like. When they hear whatever it is that they don’t like, they absolutely lose it! They become super combative and then I go crazy on them because they are acting stupid. Well, they don’t think they are acting dumb but they completely are. And what they say doesn’t even make sense! So it results in me getting mad because they are acting dumb, or me just laughing at them for acting they way they are. 

Post 2!

Oh this question really got me thinking about what I think about when people talk. Well, sometimes when people talk to me I am aware and alert of what they are saying. I am this way because I am truly interested in what they are saying. And sometimes what they are saying is super juicy stuff. So, of course I am going to be alert and really paying close attention to what they are telling me. Then, there are times where I am completely in a different world, thinking about a bunch of different things and just nodding my head in agreement. When someone talks to me about the same topic every time I speak with them, I am thinking about everything else that I have to do that day, work and other stuff. I completely check out. And sometimes, they realize that I am not listening, but most of the time they don’t. 

post 1!

Stopping a conflict for me can be easy and difficult. It truly just depends on the type of conflict that I have with someone, or that someone has with me. If it is something that has been bugging me for a while and I just keep putting it off, then when I am having a bad day and I am around that person I totally let them know what is bugging me. When that happens, the person that is bugging me usually just goes ok, I wish you had told me instead of trying to keep it from not bugging you. But I will work on it. And you need to work on letting me know when something is bugging you. When I have a conflict with someone it USUALLY works like that. But then there are times where the other person comes back at me all crazy as well. Then it is just craziness. I actually really like taking a time out in a situation like this. I also like taking a tame out when I get really upset and frustrated, I take like five minutes or so to gather my thoughts and myself. 

Post 2

These skills; fraction, framing, reframing, and common ground, are great skills to use when in a store and there is a dispute between a customer and an employee and the manager has to come in and figure out what’s going on. So, they would be great to use when in a business situation. But, then again that is still kind of interpersonal because it is at the place you work at. But, I am sure that businesses do call in mediators between the big wigs within the business to settle disputes that they have.  I think one of the main skills that mediators do use within businesses is common ground. With common ground businesses can put out on the table their values, behaviors, expectations, and goals that the business has and wants of their company. 

Post 3

I really liked this chapter. I liked reading about the different techniques, which a mediator uses. I feel like I could really use these and that they would make a big difference when dealing with disputes. My favorite one is fractionation. I like the idea of taking a big issue and breaking it down into smaller more manageable ones. That is definitely more my style. So I feel like now that I know of it, I am going to use it when something major comes up. Not going to lie, after reading about all these techniques, mediating sounds like a pretty cool little job. But, I feel that if the two arguing people are fighting over something small and silly, I would laugh in their faces about it. I think its safe to say that laughing in their faces is a no-no. But then again, maybe if I were to laugh in their face they would understand and see how silly their argument is. 

Post 1

Communication majors should make good mediators because we take classes that help us learn how to listen and communicate effectively. That's why people call on mediators. They want someone to listen to them and find out what they want and need. Communication majors know how to listen to people and re-state what the person is saying. Most people like to interrupt when others talk and what not but comm majors learn how to sit back and truly listen to what is being said. I think that lawyers might find it difficult to effectively play the role of mediator because they will begin to side with one person more than the other and possibly grant things to one over the other because they like them more. I definitely don't think psychotherapists would be great mediators because they would sit there and analyze every little thing and movement that of the two people fighting.

Post 3!

My mother is a secretary at an elementary school, and sometimes I sub for her when she has meetings or appointments She had to have surgery and was out for three weeks so I filled in for her while she was gone. One day a teacher and a little girl came into the office with a clear hand mark across her face, five minutes after school had started. This hand mark on her face was not red. It was blue, green and swollen. CPS was called and came to the school along with the police and the child’s mother because she told the teacher and I that her mother hit her. When we were all in the office (CPS, police, me, child, teacher, mother and principle) the child told us again that her mother hit her and the mother defended herself saying and I quote “well American mothers don’t discipline their children right. I hit her because she didn’t do what I asked her to do.” Oh man I can’t describe the amount of rage I had in me. I have never firsthand experienced anything like this before. And before anyone could say anything I blurted out, “ What the hell is wrong with you!!!?” Well needless to say I was asked to leave the room and go back to work. I will never forget the look on that mother’s face. To this day she disgusts me and when I visit my mom at her school and I see her I just stare at her. I think she is complete garbage. I have never met her before that day but her actions will always speak louder than words to me. I just don’t get how she could look at herself everyday knowing she hit her child. Just disgusts me. 

Post 2!!!

I believe that there is a huge difference from being strict on your child, and being an abusive parent. Parents who set rules and expect there children do abide by them are being strict. Parents who hit their children, and I mean hit their child where there are bruises on their skin, or parents who grab their child by the arm and you can still see their hand print on the child’s skin a couple days later are abusive parents. Parents who have a schedule for their children are strict parents. Parents who tell their kids they are worthless and are nothing are mentally abusing their children. But some people believe that there is no difference from strict and abusive, I believe that those are the people we need to be looking out for, because they see nothing wrong with what they are doing. 

Dealing with conflicts

When I deal with conflicts, it definitely just depends on what the conflict is about and I react to it. I definitely am never in the other-centered orientation category when it comes to a conflict that I care about. Unless I really don’t care about the conflict and don’t want to talk about it then I am. I don’t take the self-centered orientation approach either. I would never force my decisions on others. I can’t stand when people try to control me so I would never put that upon someone else. I completely define myself with the relationship-centered orientation. I do my absolute best to compromise with the person I have a conflict with. I like to hear why they are upset and I let them have the floor the whole time until they are done speaking or ask me what I think about what they just said to me. But, when I firmly believe something I am extremely assertive. I don’t let what the other person says influence me and I don’t allow them to walk all over me. So, in that sense I don’t always favor relationship centered orientation but it just completely depends what the conflict is about. 

Post 3!

Conflict is something that everyone relates to. Regardless of your age, race, or orientation. That’s one thing everyone has in common that we all go through conflicts and discrepancies. I think that if more people worked on their nonverbal conflict skills then they could easily have a civil talk about what they are upset about. I think if more people just “talked” with the person they have a conflict about, their situation wouldn’t get to a nasty point. And I put talked in quotes because people need to honestly start simply speaking to one another instead of coming into a room hell blazing screaming at somebody. That’s when I start laughing. When people are so mad that they are screaming at you and you don’t even know why yet. Cracks me up every time.  Whenever something is bugging me I just simply talk to the person. I’m not running in the room ready to hurt someone with my words. I guess with some people though I simply just avoid the conflict because I know they will make it into something way bigger then it ever was or will be so I totally pull the confrontation avoidance card. I just block what they are doing that bugs completely out of my head, which probably isn’t the best thing but oh well. 

Post 2!

There are definitely times where I don’t care to take the time to work out a conflict with people. Not because I don’t want to, because I don’t know how to bring about what I want to say without hurting someone’s feelings so I feel it’s easier for me to not say a word and just ignore it. And then there are times where I honestly just don’t care what the person has to say. And that’s when I should have this book handy. In some conflicts I have been in, I definitely never thought about stages or processes or anything of the sort. But then there are times, mostly with loved ones, where I sit down and truly list and think about what is bugging me and why it is bugging me. Then I think about how I am going to tell the person. And ways we can work on it together. I like to keep as calm as possible and tell the person what’s bugging me then sit back and listen to what they have to say. Usually that works very well. One thing I cant stand though is when people interject each other then they are talking and that’s when the raising of voices start and all that nonsense. At that point I completely lose it and walk out. I will never sit there with somebody who is acting a fool when I’m simply trying to have a conversation with them. 

Oh Conflict!

Oh I totally agree that humans have an instinct for conflict. I can remember when I was little and if someone took something that I was playing with away from me or if my mom took something away from me I made a huge stink about it and told them and her exactly how I felt. There were times where I would just stand there and scream waiting to see if that would make them give me back my toys (didn’t work with my mom, but totally worked with the other kids. They were probably thinking what’s wrong with her! But I didn’t care because my planned worked.) But now I look back on that and just laugh. I can’t stand getting into conflicts or discrepancies with people now. Just because I don’t want to listen to them blabber on, and would rather just not deal with it. But, if I have something to say and firmly disagree with the person, then I will let them know how I feel. But when people get mad at me for the most part I just laugh at them because I think it is so funny how mad someone gets over the littlest thing. If they were to just be like “hey I don’t like when you do this at this time, can you do it at another time.” I wouldn’t laugh at them. I’d change the time I do it at. No big deal.

I definitely think that an instinct for conflict is an inborn trait. We all go through conflicts from when we are born to when were older. We as humans aren’t told when were little by our parents about conflict and how to handle it. It just appears one day and boom you have to deal with it. Some people scream and fight, while others simply talk about what they are having a problem with. 

Hello hello!

Hey everyone!


This is my second class with Professor Perez and I have to say I am excited. The last class I took of hers was a lot of fun! I am a full time nanny to two little girls, and a full time student. Gets kind of crazy sometimes but I wouldn't change it! This is my very last semester at SJSU and I will be graduating in May! Excited to get this class started!