When I deal with conflicts, it definitely just depends on what the conflict is about and I react to it. I definitely am never in the other-centered orientation category when it comes to a conflict that I care about. Unless I really don’t care about the conflict and don’t want to talk about it then I am. I don’t take the self-centered orientation approach either. I would never force my decisions on others. I can’t stand when people try to control me so I would never put that upon someone else. I completely define myself with the relationship-centered orientation. I do my absolute best to compromise with the person I have a conflict with. I like to hear why they are upset and I let them have the floor the whole time until they are done speaking or ask me what I think about what they just said to me. But, when I firmly believe something I am extremely assertive. I don’t let what the other person says influence me and I don’t allow them to walk all over me. So, in that sense I don’t always favor relationship centered orientation but it just completely depends what the conflict is about.
It sounds to me (and do correct me if I am wrong), that you tend to seek compromise when you feel strongly about something? While this is a relationship oriented option it is not fully collaborative. Compromise still sets up a we both win and we both lose scenario which, granted, is frequently the best we can hope for. That you claim to be “extremely assertive” suggests that you may still be somewhat competitive as well. I say this because I have also implemented the basic “hear them out” technique but then blasted the other person with my side of the story the minute that I had the floor. I wonder if, sometimes, we should be “influenced” by what the other person said (if we were truly listening with empathy)?
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